Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
