She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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