your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
