I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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