He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
