Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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