That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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