did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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