great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My penis needs a shock collar
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize