i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
