he wants to bone in the snuggie
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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