Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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