Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
