I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
