Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
