I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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