Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
