You're so nebulous sometimes
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
