He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
