all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
