I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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