I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
