he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I enjoy the company of your penis
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
