Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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