My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The chlamydia really affected his face.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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