Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
