I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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