Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
how can u be prego again
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
