the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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