I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
