Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I need to calm my uterus...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
