erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
