I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
