forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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