These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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