Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize