After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
