and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize