i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize