Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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