Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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