Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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