It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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