oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
