the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
