my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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