Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize