I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
