they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
