I heard we made out
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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