ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
