so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
