I think my vagina is haunted
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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