So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize