i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
