The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
