I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
