how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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