He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
