we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
