Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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