Capitaan dildo arrescate!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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