Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my shit smells like andre
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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