the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
