oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
