dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
