Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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