The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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