Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
