nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize