that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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