How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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