It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
