i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
