Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
