If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize