Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
