um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
