bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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