Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
