Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize
