Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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