Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize