how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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