Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
