can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
