Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
