the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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