I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
did you just send me my own nude
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
