do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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