no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
