Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
