Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
