wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
