he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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