All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
