If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
